Dating has become toxic. We can see the adverse effects in the growing number of single people who are not only unmarried, but they are not even dating. So I set out, I started to ask dozens of real YSA why they think dating is toxic, these are the seven reasons that came to the top.
1st. Getting Physical And Spiritual Priorities Backwards.
If the majority of dating problems could be boiled down to one issue this is it. We’ve got our priorities backward. We place a higher importance on their physical looks than the spiritual stature. Don’t let anyone tell you that physical attraction is not part of the equation because it is, but only part of it. Far too often we sort people by who is most attractive then we try to find the most spiritual one of them. IE Tinder, Mutual, and other dating apps. Instead, we should seek for the most spiritual people and find one we are attracted to.
“Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril.” ~Elder Jeffery R. Holland.
2nd. Taking The First Date Too Seriously.
To make a cooking show analogy, too often we treat dating like the finale of Hell’s Kitchen. One wrong move and you are not going to get a second date, it is extremely discouraging. Instead of Hell’s Kitchen, dating should be like Diners Drive-Ins and Dives. We should have a good time, get to know people and preferably have some good food.
“You can have a good time. Of course you can! We want you to have fun. We want you to enjoy life.” ~Gordon B. Hinckley
3rd. Blind Dates!
Blind dates get an awful rap in Mormon culture. But if missionary work has taught RM’s anything it is that referrals work! So why do blind dates suck? Mainly it is because how we approach blind dates. We set someone up thinking “she will like him” and it leaves the date lacking because he has no interest or Vice versa. Or we stake our relationship on the outcome of whether they liked each other.
Instead, of trying to “find the one” to set your friend up with, try to help them have a good time. Be like “Hey I know you, and I know this girl, I think the two of you would hit it off and have fun. You should ask her out.” Blind dates like that are tremendous fun and actually effective. Remember to relax and to give people a chance! And as Sister Holland told us.
“Don’t be afraid of blind dates!“
Sister Paige Holland