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How to Improve Marital Intimacy in 5 Steps

How to Improve Marital Intimacy in 5 Steps

Making love is an important part of married life. How can we can improve this straightforward, yet complex, act of marriage?

When our Father in Heaven looked into the child-like eyes of Adam and Eve and commanded: “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it,” He also commanded them to do so within the bonds of marriage.

Tim LaHaye,  an evangelical Christian minister, suggests in his book, The Act of Marriage, that marital intimacy provides mutual pleasure in marriage, and greater equality between husband and wife, while reducing sexual temptation outside of marriage.

With  eternity to perfect this beautiful act of marriage, I have sought out the top advice from Latter-day Saints and other Christians about how to best improve marital intimacy and reap these advantages.

1. Finally Learn How Your Spouse’s Sex Drive Works

While intercourse is fundamentally physical, many overlook the other aspects of a person that intimacy connects with. For example, successful sexual experiences increase feelings of fulfillment in men and women. Sexually satisfied husbands and wives develop self-confidence in other areas of life.

But developing this satisfaction can be challenging. Men and women’s psychology regarding sexuality operate in very different ways. Here are some general guidelines

The Sexual Differences Between Men & Women
Sex Drive Stimulated By Suggestions
Men
  • Sex Drive is strong and almost immediate
  • Urges: Continuous
  • Visual appeal
  • Lingerie
Women
  • Take between 15-20 minutes to get to the same level of sexual excitement as men
  • Urges: Sporadic
  • Romantic love
  • Compassionate love
  • Affectionate love
  • Bouquets
  • Back rubs
  • Thoughtful words
  • Gifts

Remember, while these guidelines reflect general attitudes, talk to your spouse about their specific needs in these areas, by following recommendation number 5 below.

Read the rest of the steps at LDS.net. 

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4 comments

  1. Avatar

    I see the wisdom in this advice, and I have read almost every book listed! However, my husband thinks sex should just “come naturally” and refuses to talk about any of it or to read anything. We have been married for 22 years and I have never had an orgasm. I have tried many times to help him understand what it takes to get me there (clitoral stimulation), but he will go there for about 15 seconds and think that’s enough. I am now so humiliated to keep asking, when he just doesn’t get it and hasn’t for so long I don’t know how to even approach the topic.

    • Avatar

      I have the same problem., maybe worse. Sometimes i have to fake it to just get it over with coz it hurts. It normally just last about 5-10 minutes and the.n its done. After that my husband would be asleep while im thinking what just happened.
      It has been over ten years since we had a natual lubrication. My and husband and I just use lubrication due to lack of foreplay. We basically take off clothes apply lubrication and do it to be done with it. Sad but true. I guess Im just not attractive to deserve to be caress. The last time my husband and I kissed during sex was like 8 years ago .

    • Avatar

      I am so sad to read this. Communication is key. If he won’t communicate especially after that many years. Sounds like counseling is needed. It is sad to me when I hear stories like this that one party doesn’t care about the others feelings. I have I only been married for 10 years. It took us a good 5 years to hit a rhythm and communicate it wasnt easy. Now sex it great we both have a drive and know how to turn each other on. This isnt how the Lord intended it. He wants us to use intimacy to bond and support and feel loved and pretty. I dont know if anything I said will help but know that I eill pray for you.

  2. Avatar

    I cannot believe the stereotypical and sexist explanations of female and male sex drive. Makes me sick.

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