As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we strive to support and uplift one another. When someone we care about begins to question their faith, it can be scary for us—but it’s also a challenging and sensitive time for them.
Particularly for members who have otherwise enjoyed many years of peace and belonging in the gospel, coming to understand the imperfections that exist in an organization run by imperfect people, or wrestling with gray areas of doctrine that may not yet have clear answers, can be confusing and unsettling.
Those who have reached a fork in the road and must contemplate leaving their faith—and everything it has meant to them—often wrestle with feelings of deep pain and grief. This is not a decision that is easily made, and we must be careful not to pass judgment on anyone who is in this position.
It’s natural to have questions…There are few members of the Church who, at one time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions.—Dieter F. Uchtdorf
If you know someone who is struggling with difficult questions, focus on showing Christlike love and empathy, trusting that the Lord is aware of and will guide them wherever He needs them to go next on their mortal journey. Doing so could offer them a much-needed lifeline during a very trying time.
On the other hand, veering into speculation about someone’s level of faith and commitment to the gospel is more likely to drive them away. Whether intended or not, it indicates an assumption on your part that their questions and doubts are the result of a character flaw, rather than a normal part of any faithful member’s progression on the covenant path.
Here are ten things you should avoid saying to someone questioning the Church, along with suggestions for more supportive responses.
The Savior Walked on Water, by Walter Rane. Courtesy of ChurchofJesusChrist.org.1. “Just have more faith.”
While faith is important, this statement can feel dismissive. Instead, try saying, “I understand this is a difficult time for you. How can I support you?”
2. “You must be doing something wrong.”
Assuming someone’s doubts are due to sin can be hurtful. A better approach might be, “Everyone has their own journey. I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”
3. “You’re being influenced by Satan.”
This can come across as accusatory and unkind. Instead, offer empathy: “It’s okay to have questions. Let’s explore them together.”
4. “You’re just looking for an excuse to leave.”
This undermines their genuine concerns. Try saying, “What specific issues are you struggling with? Maybe we can find some answers together.”
5. “You’re going to lose your eternal salvation.”
Fear-based statements can push people further away. A more loving response could be, “No matter what, I care about you and your happiness.”
Image courtesy of ChurchofJesusChrist.org.6. “Don’t talk about your doubts; it might affect others.”
Silencing someone can make them feel isolated. Encourage open dialogue with, “It’s important to talk about these things. Tell me more.”
7. “You need to pray harder.”
While prayer is valuable, this can feel like a brush-off. Instead, offer, “How can I help you feel more connected to your faith?”
8. “You’re just being lazy in your spiritual duties.”
This can be very discouraging. A more supportive comment might be, “We all have times when we struggle. How can I help you through this?”
9. “If you leave, you’ll regret it forever.”
This can create unnecessary pressure. Instead, express your care: “Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace and happiness.”
10. “You’re betraying your family and friends.”
Guilt-tripping is never helpful. Show understanding by saying, “Your journey is your own, and I respect that. I’m here for you no matter what.”
Challenges, difficulties, questions, doubts—these are part of our mortality. But we are not alone.—Neil L. Andersen
When someone is questioning their faith, they need compassion, understanding, and support. By avoiding these hurtful statements and offering empathetic responses, we can be Jesus’ hands and help our friends and loved ones feel valued and understood during their spiritual journey.
After all, faith is not about having all the answers, but about having hope and continuing to reach out—especially when it’s hard. As we do so, we can help those around us feel the Savior’s love, no matter what they choose.
Holly Wallace is a writer and storyteller drawn to meaningful questions and overlooked details. Her work explores Latter-day Saint life and culture through faithful inquiry, inviting readers to pause, consider, and engage more deeply with what matters most.
