On a lonely night, I curled up in bed and thought of all the ways I was too damaged to be loved.
Maybe you’ve been there too.
I had a list in my mind of all the things I had been through and how they had negatively impacted me. I thought of how badly I wanted to find my help-meet and how disadvantaged I felt.
I told God my list, trying to prove my point.
I’m too depressed.
I’m too emotionally stunted.
I’m too scared.
I’m too anxious.
I’m too tired.
I’m too shy.
The list went on and on. In the end, I buried my face in the pillow and a cry burst from my mind.
“God, you could have at least made me beautiful.”
That night, I was convinced God had left me at a complete disadvantage. I was given nothing. God proved me wrong. Moments after thinking that cry, he told me what he had given me, a part of my divine nature, and asked if I would trade it away.
The obvious answer was a resounding no.
I think a lot of people have been in a similar situation. It may not be related to finding and receiving love, but so many of us experience shame. We feel broken. We feel too damaged to gain the blessings of heaven. We feel there is something inherently wrong with us.
It is so essential to remember God has not sent us to earth to fail. Inside each of us are beautiful gifts of the spirit. We can learn these divine attributes. President Joseph F. Smith said we can “catch a spark from the awakened memories of the immortal soul, which lights up our whole being as with the glory of our former home.”
You are human. You are also divine. As we try to catch a glimpse of who we are and who we can be, we can gain confidence and connect more with our Father in Heaven. How can we do this?
First, read your patriarchal blessing. Ask yourself: Am I living like I believe in these promises? Am I working towards them?
Second, pray to recognize your divine qualities and attributes and how you can best develop them. Making it a point of fasting and study as well.
Finally, keep a list of things you are grateful for. This can be in your journal, in a separate notebook, or in your nightly prayers. As we recognize the hand of God in our lives, we will come to understand that he truly wants us to succeed and has provided us with so much more than we realize.