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The Myth Of Finding “The One”

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Ah, love. It’s in the air again. That time of year when light breaks through yonder windows and chocolate is purchased by the pallet. That time when, especially in the culture of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the minds of young men and women turn towards the search “The One.” But that idea, that there exists for you a single solitary match made for you, is misleading. It has been presented under different names before, but the fact is, the notion of “The One” is a complete myth. When we understand that, it can teach us some important truths and principles. 

You Can Be Led To Good People

We have all seen the movies. Boy meets girl at a ski resort or a cafe, boy and girl fall for each other, boy/girl does something wrong, they break up, then boy/girl makes a grand gesture and they get back together because that is how it is destined to be. They are a match made in heaven and they have got to be together. But Elder Lynn G. Robbins said, “Romantic movies today would have you believe that love is governed by some uncontrollable, ungovernable force—like fate or serendipity. But this simply isn’t reality.” That “uncontrollable, ungovernable force” in these movies is called the script. The characters have no choice in the matter. They have no agency. 

In real life, we have something far better. We have the Gift of the Spirit and the guidance of God. We can be led to find people that will be a good match for us, but there is a big distinction. It is still our choice. President Boyd. K Packer said, “While I am sure some young couples have some special guidance in getting together, I do not believe in predestined love.” Just because you are led to a good person, that does not mean they are the only good person for you. The choice is still yours. But Uncle Ben said it best, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

Our Responsibilities

There are lots of responsibilities you have when it comes to looking for a spouse. The movies would have you believe you can just sit around and love will come knocking. That takes the choice and the work out of looking for the kind of person that you want to marry and you also have to be the kind of person that someone would want to marry. It doesn’t work that way because you need to find and build a relationship with someone who is going to work well with you for a long time. 

Things like this can often be complex and difficult, but to help you out, take some time to remember President Nelson’s advice, “Good inspiration is based on good information.” Then ask yourself some questions. Are you just waiting for “The One” to show up? Are you the kind of person someone would want to marry? Do you know what you want in a spouse? The building blocks of a good relationship start with you. When you are ready to put in the work, God can help you out, and he can help you to find a good person.

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Tyler Nelson
Tyler Nelson
After serving a mission to Samara, Russia, Tyler graduated from Utah Valley University with a degree in Creative Writing. Tyler is the author of Away From The Sun, a short collection of his written works. He lives in Provo with his drop-dead gorgeous wife, enjoys playing basketball, playing the banjo, studying history, and collecting Pokemon cards. Follow Tyler on Instagram @therealtylerbnelson

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