We’re expecting our second child any day now! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t counting down the days looking forward to this pregnancy being over. I can’t count all the different parts of my body that ache so badly, I’ve lost count how many nights it’s been that I have barely slept at all and had to force myself to function at work the next day—exhausted, pregnant waddle made into an art, and trying to hide my weird breathing to cope with painful false labor contractions at my desk in front of everyone, haha.
All while being overwhelmingly grateful to have this experience at all, and mostly definitely a healthy one at that (unlike my first). I’m in a weird limbo with my desires and prayers. I ache (literally, haha) and plead for this to be over, anxious to meet him, but I’m sad thinking of times ahead when I’ll forget what it feels like to feel movement inside of me and and I’ll pray for just a few more days before it’s over. How beautiful it is knowing I have 2 hearts beating inside of me this exact second.
Being a mother was most definitely not something I ever wanted to be, (you can read about that here), and when our first child was born I saw my husband’s reaction before I saw Gracie. He collapsed on my chest and just wept so hard. It was in that exact second I finally learned the importance of families.
When I look in her eyes, I feel the spirit.
And as I think of that moment and as I think of the arrival of our son and meeting him, I think back to a really sacred priesthood blessing I received. I’ve been debating on sharing this for 2 months now and maybe I’ll regret sharing it. But my understanding on families, on the pre-earth life, and on God has expounded so much from it, it has changed me. It’s changed how I think and how I act.